When we have the call to know the truth, everything that is in the way of realizing that truth will show up to be met. For me, this means all of the old patterns of belief that I have lived—that I’m not good enough; that I’m an outsider and not welcome; that I must be perfect in order to be loved. These are all stories of the mind, and are inherently untrustworthy. They are based on selective memory that our ego constructs to feed our personal life story.
If we can receive the gift of these old patterns that arise yet again—whether they are pleasurable or very painful—and surrender to however they show themselves, some of the crust that holds us separate burns off. What is required is endless willingness and courage. Meeting this stuff can be terrifying. The truth asks for everything, no holding back. This is not a part-time enterprise: if we touch in and back off, touch in and walk away, the ego will find a way to usurp the truth.
Nineteen years ago, I repelled down into an underground cave. The entrance was a three-foot-wide hole in the ground, and the floor of the cave—an old lava tube—lay forty feet below. I remember our friend Marty, who taught us to repel, asking us if we were “out, or in—in all the way.” Once at the bottom, the only way back to the rim was the arduous climb up the rope, so commitment was necessary.
I’m in. No backing off, no whining, no waiting for a better time. I’m in, all the way.
© Skye Blaine, 2011