I’ve waited to write about this hot tub epiphany for a few weeks–I wanted to make sure that what I saw held up under life’s pressures.
One of my main patterns has been tormenting thoughts–the creation of nightmare scenarios that might possibly come to pass. Best to be prepared, thought says, in a confident, insinuating tone.
Rather than follow thought-trains, I’ve learned to inquire into them. This particular evening–as I soaked and stared at the stars, and as usual, worried about this and that–the question arose, why would thought torture a body-mind? The answer came immediately, like a typewriter print out: so the imaginary sense of separation can perpetuate itself. This thought had never occurred to me before, and I knew it spoke the truth. The implications are immense–once seen, truth like this cannot be un-seen.
The next nightmare thought that arose was met with NO! I will not bolster your fictitious self-importance by believing, or even following, this train. Instead, I returned light attention to the current sensations of hot water and cool evening air, and the thought died its own natural death.
This is the new pattern: I can’t control thoughts arising, but I can welcome and immediately discredit them. And come back home to right now, the safest place of all.
© Amrita Skye Blaine, 2013
(my photo)
the heart of the matter 
re: why would thought torture a body-mind?
… I usually associate those painful thoughts/feelings with things from my troubled past that still need some work or venting. I had/have a huge array of old, unhealed and damaged feelings so, bad feelings/thoughts just show me that there’s still ugly, unresolved old stuff inside of me and then I apply whatever coping technique I can find to either vent the disturbed feelings or find some relief from them. I sometimes get these troubled thoughts/feelings just before dawn. I helps me a lot to ask: For whom is this thought/feeling? – after which I realize that I am not a weak, frightened, unhappy, fearful little person and then the bad stuff disappears – for a while at least!!
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Had a very similar experience on retreat recently, arising from a very similar mental background. Also while sitting in a hot tub, the mental anti-script blared loudly : ” WHY SHOULD I CARE ?! ” (about the repetitive thought trains contents) after which the mind dropped into silence and stayed there. – d
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“and thought died its own natural death.” Love this. Enjoy the hot tub and the epiphanies! Sharon
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I can so relate. Thanks for sharing.
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lovely. thank you.
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Thank you for this – just what I needed in this moment!
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I remember discovering hot tub wisdoms when we lived together on Jefferson. Precious times.
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