Within the past couple of weeks, I’ve discovered that one of the major patterns I carry is being afraid both to live and to die.
This has been true my whole life, but I’ve never allowed that core fear to rise up into knowing. It is so much better to be aware of the pattern rather than keeping it shoved down inside, where it leaks out in peculiar and unhelpful ways–profound anxiety, for one. Now I see how that fear ruled many aspects of my life. Like the tiny mouse in the picture, I’ve hidden myself, metaphorically speaking, in the corner, thinking that I can’t be seen, and hence am safer.
It’s not that the fear has left, it hasn’t. Perhaps it never will; it doesn’t matter any more. Now I can befriend the fear–in this moment–welcome it in, and get to know it. There is no need to discover the story of why or when it first developed; nothing to unravel or solve.
Simply to meet it, and greet it, now.
© Amrita Skye Blaine, 2013
photo: taken by William Collinge, who, after capturing the mouse in his office, lovingly deposited the small creature outside.