Often, I catch myself resisting right now. This resistance is so very subtle. This morning, I caught myself wishing the strawberry I had just picked could be a touch sweeter, remembering that the one yesterday had given up that lush sweetness I crave. In that moment, I missed being with this somewhat tart strawberry, right now.
I stood in Oliver’s Market today in front of the dark chocolate bars, and wanted my favorite–the one with a splash of sea salt in it–to be a little less expensive.
My son returns home tomorrow, and darn, couldn’t his plane leave later than 7 am, so our family needn’t wake up at 3:45 to get him to Oakland on time?
Each of these is a tiny moment of resisting–in the larger scheme of things, of no consequence, you might say. But the consequence is actually huge.
Each time, I was not fully present to a curious, unique, never-to-be-repeated precious moment. Instead, I was busy in my mind, creating an imagined moment made only of a passing thought that lacked the luscious texture of reality. It’s a kind of bypassing of life as it actually is. It would be more interesting to feel the resistance in my body as it comes into being and then falls away, rather than jumping into thought and missing the sensations of resistance all together.
I don’t spend time haranguing myself, but more and more, I do notice the resistance and relax, notice and relax.
© Amrita Skye Blaine, 2013