This has become play more than work, and the discoveries often show up as pure delight. Yesterday, seeing through the core of paradox was one of those moments.
In 2008, my belief in prayer was abruptly uprooted, and I felt its loss terribly. A way of life that seemed comfortable, that I thought I understood and knew how to control, was gone. The question kept arising, “Now how do I live?”
Today I discovered that in a subtle way, prayer still exists–but prayer is not offered from a small “I” to something outside of what I truly am. Instead, all of this life has become the unspoken offering–show, use, and refine this-that-I-am as a clear vessel. I’m humbled that I know nothing, and never will. Yet there is a delightful relaxation, too. I don’t need to know anything. If I am fully open and surrendered to listening, the endless, eternal present will provide what is required. Each erupting moment is a boundless unknown–this itty-bitty brain could never learn what is required to “manage” it. Supposing it could is a display of arrogance.
I feel as though my forehead is on the ground, and I’m eternally whispering “show me.” Show me the way now. And now. And now.
© Amrita Skye Blaine, 2013