Today we signed my son up for an experimental treatment for people who’ve suffered strokes. His stroke occurred when he was only five weeks old, during a necessary, but invasive medical procedure. If this treatment works, after thirty-eight years of living in a very bum body, he has the possibility of some relief. Apparently, the treatment helps 90% of the people who receive it. So the range of relief could be anywhere from no change to somewhat substantial change.
I no longer am a hopeful person, although I once thrived on hope. I’m not pessimistic–although I’ve been accused of that. For me, hope is akin to setting myself up for suffering. I’ve learned that it’s simpler to remain open and curious to whatever outcome shows up.
This picture of my son was taken in the first half of 1976, pre-open heart surgery (no fat scar running down his chest). He was already functionally one-handed, and his left hand wandered in the air before he learned to pin it down.
© Amrita Skye Blaine, 2013
the heart of the matter 
Thanks for your willingness to be OPEN to what is! I’ve felt the same way about hope. You are a light in our world. LOve and blessings from the NW. Hafiz
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Thank you, Hafiz!
–Amrita
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Amrita, let me have hope for your son. With what I see every day, I will never let go of hope. Mary Ann
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You are always welcome to hope!
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No one I ever spoke about this with ever seemed to understand the no-hope thing.
No matter.
Grasping at a specific, preferred future among all of the countless what may come makes no sense.
Uncommon and precious.
d
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Very brave post Amrita. I’ve felt for a while now that hope is just desire masquerading as something held to be good, when in fact it can be a slow poison.
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Dear Amrita – I am so touched by your sharing about your son. And the wisdom you’ve found that hope is the enemy of openness and curiosity is RARE.
Blessings for “whatever outcome shows up”.
In love, ml
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