Anxiety is an old, old friend, and visits often, and unexpectedly. Sometimes she settles in for a while–brings furniture, sets up camp, warms herself by the fire.
We are relocating, yet I have no anxiety around that at all. It feels so right, so natural. Of course, there are small griefs–moving far from people that I deeply love–but my heart is not leaving them, and we will find ways to remain connected. I am returning to people that I also love deeply, and there is a special sweetness of rediscovery. Faces, twenty years older. Increased wisdom. I have never “gone back” before. I’ve only “moved on.”
Yet everything about the last sentence is false. There is no going back! There is no moving on! There is only the unfolding eternal now, always fresh, alive, unknown. Awareness shining everywhere–even within my old friend, anxiety.
© Amrita Skye Blaine, 2012