turned inward

The pull inward seems the only place to be. I want to be home–sorting, scanning shoe boxes and more shoe-boxes of photos, piling books into banker boxes to sell–reviewing a life. This activity is interspersed with reading non-dual offerings, sitting quietly, or talking with my husband. I’ve turned down invitations to parties with people I love. My heart just isn’t in it, and I must follow the pull.

Even though the content of the many thoughts is still to make people happy (as though that were possible!), to be polite, to be socially correct, I seem more able to step off the thought-train and follow what is true for me.

Frankly, I don’t recognize myself.

© Amrita Skye Blaine, 2012

6 thoughts on “turned inward

  1. Basheera

    Hmmm. Maybe it’s just me then! If something comes up that I don’t really want to do, I watch a very interesting internal vacillation between the consideration that I SHOULD something and the knowing that “shoulds” really do not have a claim on me. Mostly I move with the social conventions. If there is a sense of unwillingness I examine it and remind myself that a) I am always in Pure Awareness no matter what I am doing so what does it matter what I am doing? and b) if I don’t want to do something it’s likely because I have a pre-conceived notion of what it will be like. I actually have NO IDEA what will happen. Poof! Back to the mystery!

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  2. Basheera

    I know that feeling of realizing I am free of all social conventions, if I choose to be. But I believe one needs to be cautious. It becomes very easy at that point to indulge one’s selfish instincts. Can you write about that?

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