The pull inward seems the only place to be. I want to be home–sorting, scanning shoe boxes and more shoe-boxes of photos, piling books into banker boxes to sell–reviewing a life. This activity is interspersed with reading non-dual offerings, sitting quietly, or talking with my husband. I’ve turned down invitations to parties with people I love. My heart just isn’t in it, and I must follow the pull.
Even though the content of the many thoughts is still to make people happy (as though that were possible!), to be polite, to be socially correct, I seem more able to step off the thought-train and follow what is true for me.
Frankly, I don’t recognize myself.
© Amrita Skye Blaine, 2012
the heart of the matter 
Hmmm. Maybe it’s just me then! If something comes up that I don’t really want to do, I watch a very interesting internal vacillation between the consideration that I SHOULD something and the knowing that “shoulds” really do not have a claim on me. Mostly I move with the social conventions. If there is a sense of unwillingness I examine it and remind myself that a) I am always in Pure Awareness no matter what I am doing so what does it matter what I am doing? and b) if I don’t want to do something it’s likely because I have a pre-conceived notion of what it will be like. I actually have NO IDEA what will happen. Poof! Back to the mystery!
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I know that feeling of realizing I am free of all social conventions, if I choose to be. But I believe one needs to be cautious. It becomes very easy at that point to indulge one’s selfish instincts. Can you write about that?
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I don’t know. This doesn’t seem at all like selfish instincts. I don’t feel free of social conventions, and doubt if I ever will.
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A friend sent me this link to bell chant and as I watched/listened thought you might like it: http://player.vimeo.com/video/6518109?autoplay=1
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Thanks for posting this here. I really enjoyed the blog entry and then to find the chant link too. How brilliant!
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yogaleigh is responsible for the chant link!
Have a wonderful day.
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