About thirty years ago in the middle of a counseling session, I caught myself beating up on myself for beating up on myself—a double whammy. How beautiful that this happened out loud, in the presence of another person. I could not deny what had just happened! In that moment, I saw this pattern of the mind, and now clearly seen, it dissolved, never to be believed again. I might still have moments of being hard on myself, but the double whammy was finished.
Endlessly, the mind wants to play with concepts and build worlds. It is a conflict generator. It wants to be anywhere but resting quietly in the present moment. Why is this? Think of thoughts like threads: the faster that thoughts fly, the more dense the fabric they create, until we are convinced that the fabric is real and solid, although the opposite is true: it is only the fabric of our imagination. When thoughts slow down and spaces appear between them, the fabric first goes slack, then starts to unweave and literally fall apart. In my experience—if we are in sound mental health—this can bring a deep, and eventually, lasting kind of relief. Holding the fabric of thought together takes an immense amount of energy.
This does not mean that thoughts will stop. They won’t. But as my belief in them softens, the endless conflict drops into the background, and I’m better able to be respond in a spontaneous way to what simply is.
© Skye Blaine, 2011